Lunar eclipse. Thank you so much, Allah/God/L. Ron Hubbard. What a dissapointment. Events like this really make me want to revoke my existance. Not because of the event itself, but I take issue with the timing. And, in all honesty, I don't have a big problem with the timing of the actual eclipse. I caught the last half of the moon going all menstrual on us and it was spectacular. Really, it was. I suppose the only thing I am ultra-pissed about is what happened after I viewed the eclipse. A fucking power failure. And now, I will explain why this has me all wrapped around the axle. After a four year enlistment in the Marine Corps, I, like many others, have developed a certain sleep pattern. None. Deployments, fire watch, inconvenient mortar attacks, random (and by random, I really mean frequent and scheduled) trips to strip clubs and tattoo parlors, IED attacks-these are just a few items that may keep you from sleep. So, now that I have found myself almost two years detached from active duty, my inner civilian has been let out. My inner civilian loves comfort. Comfort includes the following: long sideburns, infrequent haircuts, wearing combat boots when I want to fuck with my neighbors (or annoy my wife), and six hours of uninterrupted sleep. Let's focus on the last item, class. Uninterrupted sleep, six hours of it. No more, no less. Certain happenings warrant an interruption. These happenings, in order of importance:
1. The New Messiah needs something/has a nightmare.
3. The Cat of Keywork needs to get the fuck out of the room before Mrs. Keywork becomes displeased.
4. Keywork called back to active duty.
5. The Keywork has to piss.
6. Lunar eclipse, rapture, fireworks.
Not a very long list, you say. Note that nowhere on this list did I mention power failure. I'm not a fucking astronaut, there is nothing in the fucking Frigidaire that can't be replaced. When I break the sleep cycle for a special event (#6 on list) I prefer to enjoy the view, capture the moment in song, and GO THE FUCK BACK TO SLEEP. If anything shakes me from completing my sleep cycle, it better be on the list. After the lunar movement, The Keywork sought rest, one hour of rest, to be precise. To properly rest, I prefer a climate similar to that of a meat locker. My wife made me throw out all the meat after the honeymoon, but I still require the cold air. When the power went out, at five in the morning, my ceiling fan-being the pussy that he is-decided to take a break. In all fairness to him, he gets worked pretty hard. Pussy. But not as much of a fucking let down as that sorry bitch Electricity. That's right motherfucker, I am talking to you. Since the majority of the people I know believe in some sort of Creator/Author, I have to blame you guys in the first paragraph. I really don't want to get into it with Electricity, he's a good guy most of the time. And I can't really blame the guys working at the plant, because I honestly don't know what they do. However, as a Creator/Author, I know for a fucking fact that this is your responsibility. Way to go with the imperfect design, again. And to add insult to injury, you allow my cooling system to turn on as I am leaving my home to do the dirty work of a salesman. Maybe this is your little sister Karma doing this shit to me. If so, ok, I probably deserve it. But i'm relatively sure that out of all my neighbors, there is one that has found favor with the universe and is probably questioning their place on the planet after that little outburst. In short, I think I forgot to take my meds. In short-thanks for breaking the keywork's sacred sleep cycle, Allah/God/Hubbard, I will find a way to persevere despite your tactics. But be sure that someone will pay.
happy tuesday,
the keywork
7 comments:
When the electricity goes off, the only thing there is to do is goto bed. Also, sometimes I have a nap :D~
I find the idea of a "nice warm bed" to be an oxymoron. Nice beds aren't warm. Nice beds are cold and dark.
I've got my bed in a tight corner, surrounded on 3 sides by cool plaster walls.
I keep the area between the bed and the wall stuffed with spare pillows. When my face heats up a pillow, I exchange it for a fresh cold one.
It's called a Pillow Cellar. You may build one too, but you must add me to your prayers every night. Good prayers, not the "die in a fire" kind. Hear me?
Yeah, sorry, but august is the one month I devote exclusively to "die in a fire" prayers. On a scarier note, I have been doing something similar to the Pillow Cellar. It's called the Pillow Pillar. It's a two pillow stack and when one side of the top pillow gets warm, it goes under the bottom pillow warm side down. If I make it back to that first side of the first pillow and I'm wide awake, I repeat.
i see you already know the folks at ration reality...i was gonna recommend them to. I enjoy your writing style
semper fi
cj- semper gumby, thanks for checking it out. i do enjoy your posts as well.
KW: Ever heard of the chillow? If not, google that bitch up.
Word to the Chillow. See new post. Donate.
I like it hot. I am thinking this will be a problem.
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